Voting ends 6/14/13 at 6:14 pm
Voting ends 6/14/13 at 6:14 pm
For years the residents of the Green Mountain State have touted their superiority to all others - healthiest, smartest, greenest, beeriest. But the question remained, who rules Vermont? Finally we shall settle the age old debate and determine what town looks down upon all others in Vermont.
The prestigious and highly secretive NoseUp selection committee has carefully chosen 32 towns evenly distributed through-out the state for this year’s tournament. For the next month, you, the people, will vote town battle after town battle until a state champion is crowned.
Snobbery is not simply a wealth thing, in Vermont it is more often intellectual, environmental and/or beer related.
Note new schedule, semifinals will run 6/3 - 6/9 and the finals will be 6/10-6/14
Stowe is not so much a town as it is a brand. The iconic logo adorns everything from the ski resort to the local paper to covered bridges. And like any elite brand such as Bentley and Breitling, Stowe is preferred by the rich and the famous.
First the rich, American International Group (AIG) founder Cornelius Vander Starr started financing Stowe as early as 1946 and by the end of 1950 had beat out Lehman Brothers’ president Roland Palmedo for majority ownership. The resort was eventually sold to AIG in the 1980s. During the time when AIG nearly collapsed the entire global economy, the resort was transferred to a subsidiary called Chartis. But now that most of us have forgotten about those times, it is apparently back to AIG.
Nothing says elite quite like celebrities and Stowe has long been a haven of the famous. Most notably the Von Trapps from the Sound of Music have been residents since the 1940s and run the Von Trapp Family Lodge. While having celebrities in your midst certainly helps your cred, not caring about those celebrities is the ultimate in NoseUpness. “It’s Stowe — people here get used to it,” Stowe Police Chief Kaplan said. “They’ll say, ‘Oh, yeah, that’s Brad Pitt,’ and then go back to eating their lunch.” It is easy to see why Stowe thinks of itself as "The Aspen of the East" (although if Aspen is Alec Baldwin, then Stowe is his middling less famous brother Billy, if Billy Baldwin was actually an insurance giant that nearly sunk the world economy.)
USA Today, the obvious leader in pronouncement of snobbiness, described Woodstock as follows,
“With its golf courses, croquet greensward and 120-year-old general store that stocks everything from sushi wrappers to old collectible wines, this Woodstock has historically been the playground of billionaires.”
As far as billionaires and American elitism, very few names carry the heft of Rockefeller. And as Wikipedia puts it, “the Rockefellers have had an enormous impact on the overall character of the town.” Not only did the Rockefellers build the Woodstock Inn, they also paid to have all the power lines in the town buried. Nothing says decadence like paying for a public works project solely for aesthetic value.
The Woodstock Inn, listed by the internet as a hotel of the rich and famous.
Woodstock is truly a town that prides itself on being elite. The
town chamber of commerce website states "Welcome to Woodstock, one of the most perfect places in Vermont." (Editor’s note - NoseUp apologizes for our previous error attributing this to the “town’s” website, which we are assured would never state such a thing) The high school team is called the WASPS. Their snack bar calls creemees ice cream. And despite having a tax revenue of $2,657,553, Woodstock runs the state’s most annoying speed trap (Chester runs a close second). Yes, Woodstock is a powerhouse of snobbery.
For Shelburne’s profile, we will look at how the town compares to the rest of Vermont.
2. MUSEUMS - You are likely to find a nice photo or painting of a boat at most Vermont museums. At the Shelburne Museum you will find the entire boat.
3. BOATING - a typical day of boating for most Vermonters means driving the Subie to the lake and rowing the canoe around. In Shelburne it means donning proper boating attire (Sperry Top-Siders, anyone?) and heading to Vermont’s oldest yacht club.
A member of the highly secretive and prestigious Committee was only able to get this close to the yacht club before being driven off by the private security. This is mostly a true story.
Unlike the other towns in the Final Four, Middlebury does not feature exemplary financial statistics. However it boasts the second highest margin of victory, narrowly behind Stowe for the top spot. The strength of Middlebury’s snobbery is in its academic institution, Middlebury College. In order to enjoy what US News and World Report has classified a most selective experience, a student will pay around $57,000 a year or about $13,550 more than the median income of its host town. In 2011, that made Middlebury the 4th most expensive school in the nation according to an article in the Gothamist.
Middlebury’s Bread Loaf campus shown here with the beat up cars of the starving students parked in front of the dorms.
This is a school that has a School of English campus in the mountains (sort of started by Robert Frost “Why don’t you use the place for a little sociability after the school is over?”), its own ski area, and more marble than all the McMansion countertops combined. One could argue that Middlebury College would contend in a national battle of higher education snobbery.
Now this is not to say that the town does not exhibit exceptionalism in other areas. Nothing quite says you don’t belong like a traffic system that leaves an outsider perpetually lost. Middlebury can easily be the most confusing town in Vermont to navigate and may very well be the source of the saying “you can’t get there from here”.
1. Shelburne 66.19% v. 2. Charlotte 33.81%
1. Middlebury 87.16% v. 2. Lincoln 12.84%
1. Stowe 88.22% v. 2. Waitsfield 11.78%
1. Woodstock 63.12% v. 2. Manchester 36.88%
1. Shelburne 73.26% v. 3. Burlington 26.74%
2. Charlotte 83.78% v. 4. Castleton 16.22%
1. Middlebury 87.90% v. 6. Jay 12.10%
2. Lincoln 52.81% v. 4. Cornwall 47.19%
1. Stowe 88.30% v. 3. Warren 11.70%
2. Waitsfield 51.03% v. 4. Montpelier 48.97%
1. Woodstock 72.80% v. 6. Norwich 27.20%
2. Manchester 81.01% v. 4. Grafton 18.99%
It has been brought to attention of the prestigious and secretive selection committee that some are questioning, in a snobby way, the make up of the brackets. While typically the committee prefers to remain silent and look down upon everyone from afar, we shall provide an explanation in this case.
The basic criteria for town selection was that each county would be represented by at least one town but no more than three. The division names are semi arbitrary, similar to that other tournament that uses brackets in March. The names were selected to reflect the top seeded town’s county. The counties that are D3 snobs were thrown in where it rounded things out, like Caledonia in CITY. The divisions separated by county as follows:
CITY - Chittenden, Rutland, Caledonia
FARM - Addison, Orleans, Franklin, Grand Isle
SOUTHERN - Windsor, Windham, Bennington
MOUNTAIN - Washington, Lamoille, Orange, Essex